Mindful of Our Minds
- 4 Posts
I had slept in again, there wasn't much to do. All my attempts at securing employment were futile. I had goals and time was ticking away, however my situation seemed to be stuck in a state where time was a simple blink and space was construing and manifesting into ghastly shapes.
I pulled my blanket up and snuggled in the warmth. My mind was still in a haze, and slowly realization was settling in. To escape it, I focused on my hand, the boundaries that formed my fingers and my conscience at that moment pulled away as if from my body, and I could hear my mind; a voice inside asking ''Is this me?''
At that moment it recorded a sense of unfamiliarity to its own flesh and bones, and the fear pulled the conscience back, to a state of familiarity.
Awake and aware, I pulled out my phone from under my pillow and checked the time, then proceeded on to my social media. I was inactive except for a few photos posted about an year ago, this media was my to go for the know-how, as I called it.There were the same old stories but one caught my eye.
She was beautiful, her gaze was to the camera, youth manifested in them and I thought that she was a story teller: a novelist, simply because she seemed to have a story, in the way her demeanor stood out.
The profiling was somehow correct, she did have a story. One that not so many people speak up about. Her story, was one of the mind. She had gone through clinical depression, lost her job and had incurred debt. The only family she knew, her mother, was sick and also depended on her. The story came to a conclusion with a somewhat happy ending, she had gotten work, yes, but she needed help to pay the debts she had incurred while receiving clinical depression treatment.
I resonated with her, understood her and have gotten fixated with her story. She had created awareness at that moment, of something we talk about rarely, mental illness.
In that moment I realized that it was something I struggled with as well. I wasn't diagnosed but I felt the shift in my moods ever so often. I lived in my head and wallowed in my self pity and anger. I realized how brave she was, and strong. Unlike me she had gone and tried to fix it, she understood that mentall illness existed and that it could replace everything good in your life, because you are constantly trying to battle your way back to reality.
My first notion on who she was had been based on her face, how she looked. She pointed that out as well. Because she was biracial and had a British accent, people assumed that she didn't have any financial problems.
I had also been thrown off by her profiling, I had been ignorant to the fact that this person could be much more than a pretty face. I had known there was a story, but not this story. Not a real life situation, that was still haunting her that she still struggles with. It was remarkable how strong she was; debts had piled up, but she had found a way to dust herself and put her life together.
This assumption had also begged the question: How does mentall illness look like, sound like. It was a question that I knew had no definitive answer, mental illness could not be meausred let alone be pin pointed. The mystery that lay in it, was damning.
In this society that we live in, mental illness has become a stigma and most people refuse to talk about it because they are afraid of being judged. The awareness is but now picking pace, thanks to people like her who find the courage to speak up about it. Other than that, therapy and proper medication can accumulate quite a hefty bill, thus it can put many people off.
Mentall illness, in my opinion needs to be something most people can access and get proper care for. It should be given as much attention as any other disease, and funded so that everyone can get treatment for it.
Mental health stigma can be stopped if we create awareness, if more people are willing to come out and talk about it.
I'm all about this new revolution, about being mindful of our minds, what about you?
This story was inspired by Sam Nkirote Mckenzie, if you want to learn more about her story visit her instagram, link is below:
You can also donate to her Clinical Depression Debt Fundraiser , the details are in the following link: