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Fears of fourteen year old me

no picture Estudiante, dueña de un blog en mis tiempos libres
Sonia
Member since June 20, 2018
  • 1 Post

Free Source: Pexels

Free Source: Pexels

Fourteen year old me, who has never heard of the word feminism, decides to create a Tumblr account. Fourteen year old me encounters a poem called "Fears" and it sticks with her so much that she becomes obsessed with it, that now eighteen year old me still knows it by memory.
"I´M 14 YEARS OLD AND IM WEARING A SKIRT THAT IS TOO SMALL FOR ME.
WHEN I KISS MY PARENTS GOODBYE A FAMILY FRIEND LOOKS AT ME THEN AT MY PARENTS IN DISBELIEF.
ARE YOU LETTING HER OUT LIKE THAT?
I ALMOST SNAP AT HIM, BUT WHEN I MEET HIS GAZE I DON'T SEE JUGDMENT BUT FEAR."
Fourteen year old me gets amazed by the first eight lines of the poem that she remembers it all the times, her mother and father wouldn´t let her wear shorts or skirts whenever family and friends came around. Telling her about how even if the men were part of the family, they were still men and you need to cross your legs when you sit down, that´s not very lady like of you.
"I´M FIFTEEN AND MY FRIEND AND I DON´T WALK DOWN BIG STREETS AT NIGHT.
WHEN MEN YELL AT US IT MAKES OUR SKIN CRAWL."
Fourteen year old me, remembers a family trip, where she was twelve years old back then, walking down the street with her sixteen year old sister. Men started to catcall twelve year old me and her sixteen year old sister said "Don´t turn around, men are so disgusting". So twelve year old me became aware of how this was going to happen a lot of times through all her life.
"I´M SIXTEEN WHEN A GIRL IN MY CLASS BUYS A KEY CHAIN THAT DOUBLES AS A KNIFE.
I TELL MY MOTHER AND SHE TEACHES ME HOW TO WIELD MY HOUSE KEYS LIKE A WEAPON."
Fourteen year old me understands a lot of years later why her mother wanted her to take karate class so she could defend herself if someone wanted to take advantage to any age me. She understands that was the principal motive of her mother, to defend her from rape.
"I´M SEVENTEEN AND IT´S ALMOST 2AM
I WANT TO WALK HOME BUT MY FRIENDS BLOCK THE DOOR
THEY´RE SCARED IF THEY LET ME GO IT'LL BE FOR THE LAST TIME."
Fourteen year old me does not get this yet, but still knows at such a young age, that it isn´t safe for anybody to walk home alone late at night, at least not in her country. She knows by heart that it is more dangerous for women, but fourteen year old me does not quite understand why.
"NOW I GET IT.
I SEE WHY MY MOTHER CAN´T SLEEP WHEN I´M OUT.
I UNDERSTAND WHY MY MALE FRIENDS SLIDE THEIR ARMS AROUND ME WHEN IT GETS DARK.
WHY MY GRANDMOTHER EYES MY HEMLINE LIKE IT´S POISONOUS.
I GET IT."
Fourteen year old me realizes and asks herself why, every women at such a young age are taught to fear, to see so many women raped, to see that if women raise their voice they are bossy and should keep quiet, you´re a lady. Do not curse. Fourteen year old me starts to realize all the sexism she lives with, and how sometimes fourteen year old me is also sexist.
"MY PARENTS DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO KEEP ME SAFE, BUT THEY CAN´T CHANGE THE FACT THAT MY BODY IS A WAR ZONE.
THEY CAN´T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THERE´S TOO MUCH HUNGER IN THIS WORLD FOR SAFETY.
THEY CAN´T CLOSE THEIR EARS WHEN THE MAN ON THE NEWS SAYS THAT 'ONE IN FIVE WOMEN ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BEFORE GRADUATING COLLEGE."
Fourteen year old me almost finishes the poem, but fourteen year old me has tears on her eyes. She has lived upon and within sexism all of her life, but fourteen year old me has opened her eyes, starts to realize what is right and what is wrong. Fourteen year old me knows what sexism is now.
"I'M EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND I'M AT A PARTY AND AS I WALK AWAY FROM A DRUNKEN BOY HE FIXES HIS EYES ON ME AND ASKS 'WHAT ARE YOU SO SCARED OF?"
Fourteen year old me kind of laughs at the end of the poem, at the cynicism the writer had with the last line. Fourteen year old me is in love with this poem. Fourteen year old me has woken up. Fourteen year old me starts to search for more content like this and encounters with this thing that will hold her in the future, that will understand her, that will stand with her even when things get rough, that will fight with and for her in the future when fourteen year old me is now an eighteen year old me. Fourteen year old me discovers what Feminism is, and she couldn´t be more grateful for that.
The poem in caps belongs to a Tumblr user: http://obsessivewritingdisorder.tumblr.com/post/126780949804/im-fourteen-years-old-and-im-wearing-a-...




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